I know I just posted earlier today but I had something I really, really, really wanted to say. I asked, "Can it wait 'till friday Sarah?" and then continued to tell myself absolutely not. It absolutely could not wait until friday.
I've been thinking about some pretty deep stuff tonight.
I have a friend right now who is literally going through hell and back. I'm not going to share much 'cause it's pretty personal. I love her so much and I don't know what I would do without her. But she is really not doing well.
I'm really worried about her.
She means so much to me and it hurts me to see her hurting. It is the worst feeling in the world to see someone you love in such agony and know that there is nothing you can do about it except be there for them.
Then I have another friend who has completely lost himself. I care about him. Not to the same extent as my first friend but I've literally known him forever. I've seen him grow up from a little boy to the young man he is today.
I'm worried about him too.
They both are in so much pain, and they are both shutting themselves out from the world. I'm not exaggerating, there are times when I wonder if I'm going to have to talk one of them into putting down the knife, pills or whatever. It makes me sick, not with disgust, but with pain and immense concern.
If there is anyone, anyone, anyone out there reading this, who is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, PLEASE know that a) you are not alone, b) if you need to talk, your friends are there, your parents or family are there are and suicide hotlines are there if you really don't want to talk to anyone you know.
You are worth so much. Like insanely so much. I wish I could communicate this through a blog post. You have an incredible future. You have people who love you and care about you. YOU are incredible. Don't let the pain take you. Speaking from someone who knows what it's like to hurt until you can't stand it, until you think it's going to swallow you whole and you almost wish it does, anything to stop the pain, it does pass. It does get better.
And you will get through it.
Just please, please, please, don't go through this alone. There are people out there, always.