Nothing Happened

Nothing happened.

I hate this phrase so much.

It’s just so full of hidden meaning, things that aren’t out in the open. Because if you have to clarify that “nothing happened”, it means that someone was expecting something to happen. And there’s so much that actually happens behind a “nothing happened”.

He stares at you, makes you uncomfortable. He leers and you wish you could escape, run from his gaze. He chuckles and you feel uncomfortable. You point him out to someone, and they look over.

“Did he do anything besides stare?”

“No, nothing actually happened.”

You’ve been fighting so much. Tonight was going to be the night that you guys made up, became friends again. You miss her, you guys haven’t talked in ages. But she ignores you, doesn’t look at you. Someone says she doesn’t want to talk to you.

“What happened? Did you guys make up? Are you guys okay now?”

“No. Nothing happened.”

Your parents are fighting all the time. They scream and yell at each other. The house is always full of tension, underlying currents of acid stream through the atmosphere. You tell your friends about how nasty things are at home.

“Does he hit her? Are they getting a divorce?”

“No, nothing really happened. They’re just fighting.”

You like him. You think he likes you. Everyone thinks you two would work great together. Every time you guys hang out there’s so much not being said, so much that is lying just beneath the surface. Every time your eyes meet, it’s charged. Your banter borders on something that’s not “just friends”. People wait with baited breath, waiting for something to happen between the two of you. But you and he grow apart; you stop talking.

“Did anything ever happen between you?”

“No, nothing happened.”

I hate “nothing happened.” Because something always happens.

Sweater Weather's Over

   

   You're like that old sweater at the back of my closet. You know, the type that's all fuzzy and warm when I first buy it. Trying it on in the store is like a dream. Buying it is exciting and I look forward to wearing it in the fall. Holding a mug of tea, watching the leaves turn brown.

     I wear it lots. It goes with everything. My jeans, my leggings, every pair of shoes I own. It sees the rain, the sun, the windy, everything. And I wonder how a sweater could ever be so perfect.

     But then one day, it comes out of the wash and as I put it on, it scratches my arm. Not a lot, but enough that I'm aware of it. Two washes later and I can't wear it without wearing a shirt underneath. And I realize just how blistering hot it is. The weather gets colder and I begin to wonder just what I saw in that sweater.

     Soon you're not even in my set of drawers. No, you've been banished to the closet and occasionally, whilst digging for something, I'll see you and put you on. Just for a little while. And I remember why it was I put you in the back of my closet in the first place. You've got a hole in your sleeve. I'm pretty sure that blotch is actually a stain. And you're so itchy and scratchy that you poke through every shirt I wear you with.

     Now you just sit there. I know I should probably get rid of you. You've been in the back for ages and you're doing nothing but collecting dust. But sometimes, I miss the comfort and the warmth and I long for the days when you didn't scratch my arms, or make me overheat, or rip so easily.

     And one day, I decide that I am tired of you taking up room in my closet. So sick of it that I decide you have to go. The sun is shining, the flowers are beginning to sprout and all you do is remind me of the cold winter. So I take a pair of scissors and go out to the backyard and cut you up until you are nothing but little strings.

     Birds and squirrels collect the pieces. Some get carried away in the wind and every once in a while when I take a walk, I can see bits of your string in the nests in the trees. And it makes me smile. Just a little. The sort of smile that just has a little hint of sadness. But just a bit. After all, I think to myself, it was time for the sweater to go.

We Made It

School. Co-op. Drama. Tears. Laughter. Late night bonfires. Exams. Parents. Stressing over the little things. Fighting. Games. Movies.

High school.

Guys, we made it.

We made it through what people say are some of the hardest years of our lives.

We made it.

We made it through the exams. The pressures. The seemingly constant drama.

And I'm so proud of you both.

I'm proud and honoured to have been your friends. To watch you grow and turn into awesome people. To get to know you as you changed and grew. You're both amazing. You're both gifted in different ways. You're both kind and I'm so happy to have had you both in my life.

And I'm excited to see what's in store for you next. Whether you're off to a different country or just to a different city, I have no doubt you're going to have an impact.

We have our lives ahead of us, like a blank slate, like a winding road, like a clear blue sky. Let's go do something with it. Let's go make something of ourselves. Let's go make a difference. Let's be the best we can be.

I'll miss you both. I'll miss seeing you at Co-op and having the ability to get together so easily. And I hope that this isn't the end of our friendship, but just another step of the journey.

Good luck in the future. Go live an amazing life.

It's a Funny Thing

Hello Lovelies,

You know what's funny? Attraction. Attraction is a funny thing, and most of the time, I don't even really understand it. Why do we become attracted to people? Like, if I were to compare two different people with more or less the same personality traits, why would I be attracted to one and not the other?

And can attraction to the same person come and go? Or if you think it does, is it that you just have denied the attraction, pushed it down, hidden it?

Is attraction medical? Can you boil it down to a chemical reaction? Does it all happen in our brains? Is the whole thing a figment of our imaginations?

And how can you really tell if you're attracted to someone? There's no ruler. It's not like Mary Poppins' measuring tape that says, "Oh look, you're attracted to them".

How do you tell the difference between romantic attraction and friendly attraction? Is there even really a difference? Can you be attracted to someone as a friend and then romantically? Or is it like the first type of attraction is the only thing you'll feel towards them?

It's all so confusing. And I'm so bad at figuring it all out. And then I'll think I've finally figured it out and it'll go and change on. That really stinks, because then I feel all stupid for not being able to figure it out the first time, or second, or fifteenth.

Ah, the joys of being someone who needs to have everything figured out.

Song of the Day

I'm not a Sam Smith fan, but I don't know why not. I don't know much about him, or much of his music, but recently I heard this song and was pretty impressed. I'll have to investigate him a bit more.

The Blonde Boy

     Long blonde hair from under which, two shy but curious eyes peep. The hair falls straight, just like his figure, which looks like it's been stretched long and taunt like an elastic band. A black baseball cap with red designs sits backwards on his head, pressing the hair down onto his face. I know from his height and outfit that he's got to be at least 19, maybe 20, but his small bones and thin frame make it hard to know for certain. He's dressed in black. Black skinny jeans, black hoodie, black t-shirt. The only colour comes from his checkered kerchief tied loosely around his neck. The sleeves on his hoodie are too long and they cover his hands. Only pale fingertips peep out from under them. He uses his sweater paws constantly to move the blonde emo fringe out of his eyes.

     He moves in the background, weaving around crowds, stopping only to talk to one or two people. He walks with an ease, slightly hunched. He doesn't look insecure, but comfortable.

     I'd seen him first working behind the sound desk a few hours ago. He sat, moving the dials, a determined force behind his work. Now he's winding up cords on stage whilst everyone mingles in the big room. The chords go round and round his hands as he unplugs one after another, tidying up after the musicians. He doesn't look bored or frustrated with his work, but determined. At ease. Content. I wonder if he ever had any desire to be the one up there on the stage. Or if he's happy in the back.

     He's chewing gum, but not obnoxiously. He doesn't smack it or accompany it with a cocky attitude. It seems people like that tend to chew gum. No, instead, it seems like it's providing him with something to do when he must sit still. The energy he has is obvious in the way he leaps from the stage to unhook the speakers. Then later, when he takes trips to the van, loading up the electrical equipment. The steps he takes are huge. Probably twice as large as mine. Then again, that isn't hard to do.

     He looks up at me once and a crooked polite smile makes its way to his face. It's full of youth and an easiness, unusual for someone his age. His face is clear and so very pale. But then again, it's still winter in Canada. Snow's only just left in April. He probably hasn't seen the sun in almost five months.

     A few minutes later and the room's cleared out. I leave the building and the cold wind nips at my skin. On my way home I replay the events of the evening and my mind falls on the blonde boy. I wonder at his life story. Who he was, what his family was like, what his dreams were. I'll probably never see the blonde boy again in my life, but whoever he was, may his life be grand. And may he find a hoodie that actually fits.

A Rant on Playerish People

Hello Lovelies,

It's been a bit since I've done a rant and I definitely have something to rant on. Just allow me to get my giant megaphone and the rocks I intend to throw...

Alright, so, for people who've been following me for a bit know that I am not really someone who's good around guys. Particularly guys who could have any sort of interest in me, or guys I might potentially have an interest in (see 50 Shades of Awkward or Secretly, I'm Anna for perfect examples of this). So it should come as no surprise that around players, I'm fairly clueless. Then when I reailze what's happening, I get rather frustrated. Yes, this rant is inspired by a specific person.

First, why? Why the heck do you guys have the need to make others uncomfortable in this arena? Any interest girls end up having in you is going to be based on absolutely nothing but your slimy, charming, manipulative ways. And then as soon as you "win", you're going to lose, because she's gonna see what a knotty-pated canker-blossom you are. Or you're going to break her heart when she realizes you're using her.

Second, why is it attractive to some people to play people that they know well? You know the hot buttons and what's going to get them riled up. It's no challenge. You can have them wrapped around your finger in a minute. So why do you feel the need? Is it because you feel you've lost your touch, so you go to someone you can easily get a reaction from? I don't get it. I'd would have thought players would want to pick someone who'd be a challenge, someone who they'd have to work at to get a response from.

Third, generally now, do people realize how dehumanizing this is? Playing someone? The very name of it is horrible. You are literally playing someone like a game. Like they mean the same to you as a game of cards that you're trying to win. That's it. The only thing you're using them for is your own benefit. Do you not see how harmful this can be to the other person? You don't actually care about them, because if you did, you wouldn't be treating them like this, with no regard for their emotions. You're wrapping their feelings up in a big knot and then handing it back to them with a smirk, a wink and the shallow satisfaction of knowing that you've got them riled up.

Fourth, specifically to this person, why do you think that I'm not going to notice? Yeah, you're subtle and can deny it. Yeah, you're good at what you do, but I can count them number of girls you've done this to in the past. I've watched you. I've seen what you do and how you coax the blushing and giggles from them. Do you really think I'm not going to see? I'll hand it to you, you're good. Yeah, you've managed to get a reaction, but the smirks and charm and flirting has conjured nothing but a surface response. Somehow, unbeknownst to me, you manage to get the blushing and stammering from me, but believe me when I say, this whole thing has done nothing but secure your position as an insecure, unfeeling guy in my mind. Slowly, you're being replaced by Joey Donner. Congrats to you.

In conclusion, don't play with people or they will rant about you on their blog and then dream about ways of dumping all the discomfort, annoying heart palpitations and frustration over your head.

Cute and hot at the same time? Is that even possible?

Hello Lovelies,

So, I'm back at school now.

Joy.

Actually, it's not that bad so far. I'm taking a creative writing course, a generic english course and philosophy.

But that's not the point of this post. I should probably warn you, if you have no interest in 5SOS, you may want to stop reading now. Cause this post is gonna include some pretty heavy fangirling.

I watched their iTunes Festival today. I just.... I can't... excuse my tumblrness, but... THE FEELS!!

They were just incredible, and so attractive and so adorable and just... Gah!!

I mean this is just...

And this and

I think I may have lost the ability to breathe... just saying. Someone fetch me a paper bag.

And I mean, ignoring the fact that they were all incredibly attractive and sweaty and just... yeah, they actually performed super well as well! I mean, End Up Here was just amazing and so was Long Way Home and What I Like About You and I am personally biased to Good Girls so I will always think that song is amazing, even if it were sung by a tone deaf grandmother. 

I loved it. I've decided that I'm gonna have to save up to see them live next summer, even if it costs me a billion bucks. Okay, well maybe not a billion, but you get the gist. 

How can someone be so adorable and so hot at the same time? It just doesn't seem fair! One thing I noticed and have noticed for a bit now, is how different they are at their own shows. When I went to see them when they performed with One Direction, they were fairly clean, their music was played in a more pop-y fashion, they lost the piercings and just appeared more boyband-y. Watching them perform on their own, it was like watching a whole different band. Tattoos showing, piercings in, why not talk about your experiences drunk underage and throw a bird at the camera every once in a while? Personally, I like the less clean 5SOS better. I dunno, it seems way more... them. I find it kinda funny that One Direction has taken four years to even imply a swear word in their songs, yet 5 Seconds of Summer swears right in their first single whilst talking about how great the girl looks in his underwear.

Well this has been lovely, but it is past midnight where I am and I have to get up at seven tomorrow. Good night all! Ta ta for now! :)

50 Shades of Awkward

Hello Lovelies,

It's story time with Sarah! Gather round to hear yet another incident that proves that Sarah should not be allowed out in public.

I was shelving at the library downstairs in the adult section just minding my own business. I was most likely singing Disney, being the lovely awkward person I am.

So I'm shelving my books when all of the sudden, I see the most beautiful guy ever walk in. I mean this guy was a slice of pumpkin pie. He looked like Zayn Malik, who in my mind is probably one of the best looking guys out there. It was like in those cheesy movies when the guy is in slow motion and he runs his fingers through his hair and smiles and there's music. Except the only music was the Disney song I was currently singing. Probably Hakuna Matata.

Let's make something very clear. You know those girls who flirt effortlessly and just seem to ooze confidence and... flirtiness? I am not one of them. So I was perfectly happy admiring him from afar.

But does he stay afar? Nooo, he walks right over to me and I inwardly hyperventilate.

I'm fairly sure my train of thought went something like this.

Is he walking towards me? Oh gosh he is. Oh wait, maybe he's going to walk past me. Ah crap he's coming closer. What am I wearing? Ah crap! I'm wearing a Sesame Street shirt. Why do I even care. Oh look, he's talking to me and I have no idea what he just said.

"What?" I say, hoping that my mouth isn't hung open and I'm not drooling on my shoes.

He doesn't miss a beat.

"Do you know the book '50 Shades of Grey'? He asks, maintaining his smile.

What?

"Yes?" I manage to reply.

"Is it a sexual book?"

"Yeah."

"Like how sexual?"

My brain has exploded and I'm unable to reply in anything more than one or two words. I am also rapidly starting to resemble a tomato.

"Umm, pretty sexual."

"Oh, so it's like an erotica." He's still smiling. At this point, my daze has started to clear and I'm wondering if he actually knows what the book is about and is just enjoying watching me squirm.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Can you help me find it? I'd like to read it."

This was probably the only moment in the entire year I've worked at the library that I wish I didn't. I desperately wanted to get out of the conversation but because I worked there, I had to go help Zayn Malik's look alike find 50 Shades of Grey.

So off we go! Through the nonfiction, DVDs, CDs and paperbacks to the other side of the library where the book is.

I'm walking pretty fast. but he's tall and I'm a hobbit so my genius plan of outwalking him didn't really work.

"So have you read it?"

My brain engine sputters again and comes to a stop.

"No." I was actually pretty proud of myself for not sounding like a mouse.

He stops and looks at me with this smirkish smirk on his really attractive face.

"Do you want to read it?"

"No!" Any accomplishment of not sounding like a mouse has been replaced with the mortification of sounding like I'm on helium.

I show him where the book is and bolt out of there.

Later I come back to where the book was, shelving in that section.

The stupid book is still there.

Darn you attractive, cocky, perverted person.


Lovely Post of the Day

Recently, the lovely blogger Andrea wrote a post on her blog that just amazed me with its honesty and realness and relatableness and I really wanted to share it all with you.
It's called I Wrote This For You.

Secretly, I'm Anna

Hello Pretties!

As much as I would love to be able to say that I am Elsa from Frozen, with her emotional angst about being a good girl, wanting to be free and being scared of things getting out of control, I think I may be a bit more of Anna. I mean, I definitely struggle with some of the stuff Elsa struggles with, but don't we all?

But some of my embarrassing moments are embarrassing enough, that they definitely put me in the "Anna" category. :P

So! I've decided to share with you some of my top Embarrassing moments. If you're having a bad day and feel like you're potentially the most awkward human being that ever lived, I'm about to prove you wrong. And if you're having a wonderful day, I hope these will make you chuckle.

1. I was playing a big game called Gorgon with a large group of people one evening. I was running and someone pushed me from the side. I tripped but kept running, trying to maintain my balance, kinda looking like a football player, with my head down. I wasn't looking where I was going and managed to headbutt a guy in the crotch.

2. I was on a recreational baseball team during the summer for a few years. One night I was unfortunate enough to have to be back catcher. I put on the padding and the helmet and went to stand behind home base. The helmet smelled awful. It smelled like walnuts, but sweaty walnuts... if you can imagine what sweaty walnuts smell like. The inning ended and I returned to the dugout. To my team, mainly made up of teenage guys, I proclaimed loudly in disgust, "The helmet smells like nuts!" My whole team burst out laughing. They spent the rest of the evening asking how I knew what nuts smelled like.

3. My little brother was questioning one of my guy friends about what instruments he could play, asking if he sang opera. My friend replied, "Yeah, in the shower." For some reason, the "in the shower" part didn't register in my head and I snorted, saying "I would pay money to see that.", thinking of him singing opera. Cue awkward moment where he's looking at me awkwardly and I'm confused as to why everything got awkward. Then everything sunk in and I spent the next five minutes trying to explain that I didn't want to see him in the shower.

4. My uncle owns a skateboard shop, but in his skateboard shop, he has a mini... skate park thing? It has two hills, next to each other. I dunno what you call them, I'm not a skateboarding person. I decided to try and see if I could go down one of the hills. I chose a skateboard from the wall, lined it up and began to go down it. Everything went fine until I began to go back up the other side. My skateboard flew, I'm not exaggerating, out from under my feet, across the room and hit the other wall. As previously stated, I'm not a skateboarding person.

5. A few months ago, I went to go see Frozen with a group of my cousins. It came to the part where Hans has to kiss Anna. The whole theatre is silent, on the edge of their seats. Hans leans in and then says "Oh Anna, if only there was someone who loved you!" I don't know why I found it so surprising,  but for some reason, I was completely taken off guard and my cousin and I gasped so loudly that the people around turned to look at us, glaring and shhing us. *Ducks head and hides in shame.*

6. My friend and I went over to one of guy friend's houses for dinner with his parents. We arrive, walk into the dining room and all sit down. Of course, with my luck, I manage to sit on a lightbulb. Yes, you read that correctly, a lightbulb. There was a little lightbulb on my chair. It broke, they realized what had happened and began to apologize profusely and ask if I was all right. But the night doesn't end there. Afterwards, we all went to get ice cream and I managed to drip it allll down my shirt. My guy friend's mum was like, "Oh! We can get the stains out for you!" I didn't realize she meant she was going to take my shirt and wash it. So I spent the rest of the evening in my friend's oversized, plaid, dress shirt.

I hope these have brightened your day and made you feel a little better. We all have incredibly awkward moments, it's just about moving on and learning to laugh at them. Do you have any incredibly embarrassing moments?

Photo of the Day

Just remember this. :)

Book Boyfriends Tag

Hello Earthlings!

My apologizes for not posting friday, I was away at a conference from thursday morning to saturday night and couldn't get to computer. I hope you've all been having a lovely Easter! Unfortunately, I've been sick (again) with a cold/cough and sound like a robotic frog.

Today is the next post of the Alphabet Challenge! Woop! Woop! And today's letter is 'B'. Over on the lovely Andrea's blog, Sempiternal Reader, she did a Book Boyfriend Tag and I thought, "Great idea! I can do that tag for my challenge." So today's topic is going to be my top five Book Boyfriends in no particular order.


1. Minho (The Maze Runner)

Minho is from James Dashner's book series "The Maze Runner" and he is just... gahh. He's one of the runners in the Glade so he's quite brave. He's super sarcastic, which I find to be a particularly attractive trait in fictional characters. Although he has a bit of a rough exterior, he has friends that he cares about who he will occasionally show his emotions to. I can't wait for the movie to come out in September. I really, really, really hope that they portray him well.

1. “Minho looked at Thomas, a serious expression on his face. "If I don't see you on the other side," he said in a sappy voice, "remember that I love you.” 

2. “Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby.

"Go ahead" Newt replied.

Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly.
"Don't die.”

"Great. We're all bloody inspired." Newt said.” 

2. Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables)

I love Gilbert. :) He's really very cute and loyal. I love the way that he didn't give up on Anne, even after she snubbed him time and time again. He can be a bit cheeky at times and he's definitely the boy next door type of guy. He has dreams for his future and he'll stop at nothing to get them. He's very kind and helpful. Basically the perfect guy. I guess I'd get bored of him in real life but he's wonderful in the book.

"He was a tall boy, with curly brown hair, roguish hazel eyes, and a mouth twisted into a teasing smile."

3. Gale Hawthorne (The Hunger Games)
*Minor Book Spoilers

This guy is probably my favourite right now. He's even more "gahh" than Minho in my humblest opinion. He's really brave and he's a natural leader. I mean, when he rescues those people when District 12 is being bombed?? Or when he takes the whipping in the square? Even the end of the third book did nothing to stop the love I have for this character. He is Katniss's faithful friend through and through. He's like ALWAYS there for her, always. He loves her so much and he encourages her throughout her time. He really is her support system. He's loyal and helpful to everyone around him. He helps in leading the rebellion and he isn't afraid to stand up for what it right. I was quite pissed when Katniss ended up marrying Peeta. Peeta was a wimp. 

"Okay, listen to me, you're stronger than they are. You are." (Gale to Katniss)

4. Four (Divergent)
*Minor Book Spoilers.

Kay, when I say Four, I really mean just Four. Not Tobias. I didn't like Tobias at all. Four on the other hand is strong. He's been through a lot and knows that life is hard. He knows that he must work hard to survive. He has a protective side that comes out around Tris. He fights hard for justice and is just really cool. I love the way Tris and Four's relationship develops in the first book but I don't like the second one. Four also isn't afraid to speak his mind, which is something I love in fictional characters.

I still haven't seen the movie!! :(

1. “Okay. Then...I can talk. Ask me something."
"Okay." He laughs shakily in my ear. "Why is your heart racing Tris?"
I cringe and say, "Well, I...I barely know you. I barely know you and I'm crammed up against you in a box, Four, what do you think?"...
"Maybe you were cut out for Candor," he says, "because you're a terrible liar.” 

2. “We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." He clears his throat. "I continually struggle with kindness.” 

5. Mr. Darcy (Pride & Prejudice)

This guy's a classic. He's a true gentleman, but has a bit of a brooding, mysterious side to him. I love his banter with Elizabeth and the way they communicate. He really loves his sister and his friend Mr. Bingley and will do anything to protect them. Even if he doesn't show it very often, he does care about the people around him.

I'm tagging everyone who's reading this to do this tag! :D
Also, if you're liking the Alphabet Challenge, you should head over to Aliology, cause she's doing it too!
Hope you enjoyed this post, I hope to see you all wednesday! :D

Song of the Day
I thought this would be appropriate. :)