The Professor Man

His dirty blonde hair is long and he has part of it in a ponytail behind his head. There's a big, bushy beard on his face. He's wearing a blue Hawaii shit.

He really isn't much to look at. The hair isn't very well groomed. He's probably in his sixties. He walks with a stride that has seen many years.

It's his eyes that are captivating. Behind the slightly brutish appearance, he's got beautiful, intelligent, deep, sensitive eyes. He's quiet and walks with a slight slump.

Maybe he's a teacher. He looks like he could teach. The wisdom wrinkles on his face are clear to see and I wonder how much he's seen. How much happiness. How much love. How much pain. How much despair. He could be a university professor. He'd teach philosophy of course. He'd be the one that everyone loved. You know, the kind one. The smart one. The sensitive one.

He's all alone and I can just hear his voice as he orders a potato skin stack over the chatter of the carnival stalls around me. It's soft and smooth and suddenly I can picture him with a guitar, singing songs about suck lock and driving a pick-up truck.

The lady behind the stand hands him the deep-friend potato stack and he walks away with a crooked smile on his face. I can hear him chuckling a bit.

So, to the man with the old eyes, I hope you enjoyed your potatoes.

Nothing Happened

Nothing happened.

I hate this phrase so much.

It’s just so full of hidden meaning, things that aren’t out in the open. Because if you have to clarify that “nothing happened”, it means that someone was expecting something to happen. And there’s so much that actually happens behind a “nothing happened”.

He stares at you, makes you uncomfortable. He leers and you wish you could escape, run from his gaze. He chuckles and you feel uncomfortable. You point him out to someone, and they look over.

“Did he do anything besides stare?”

“No, nothing actually happened.”

You’ve been fighting so much. Tonight was going to be the night that you guys made up, became friends again. You miss her, you guys haven’t talked in ages. But she ignores you, doesn’t look at you. Someone says she doesn’t want to talk to you.

“What happened? Did you guys make up? Are you guys okay now?”

“No. Nothing happened.”

Your parents are fighting all the time. They scream and yell at each other. The house is always full of tension, underlying currents of acid stream through the atmosphere. You tell your friends about how nasty things are at home.

“Does he hit her? Are they getting a divorce?”

“No, nothing really happened. They’re just fighting.”

You like him. You think he likes you. Everyone thinks you two would work great together. Every time you guys hang out there’s so much not being said, so much that is lying just beneath the surface. Every time your eyes meet, it’s charged. Your banter borders on something that’s not “just friends”. People wait with baited breath, waiting for something to happen between the two of you. But you and he grow apart; you stop talking.

“Did anything ever happen between you?”

“No, nothing happened.”

I hate “nothing happened.” Because something always happens.

Sainte-Marie Among the Hurons

Hello Lovelies,

Little history lesson with Sarah. Sainte - Marie among the Hurons was a Jesuit settlement and it was the first European settlement to become what is now known as Ontario. It's been rebuilt and preserved so people can go visit it, and I went to go visit it a few week ago.

Entrance.

Pretty Bridge.

The vegetable garden.

I'm really quite fond of this shot.

This shot's cool too.

Inside one of the kitchens.

Chapel I think?

It was very, very smokey inside of the long houses.
There was a fire and only a little hole in the roof for the
smoke to escape through.

Apothecary's table.

Map of Canada as seen by France in a time that is
not now (I don't remember when).

Maple candy. Om nom nom.

On a totally different note, school starts tomorrow and I'm so ready for it to start so it can be over quicker. You feel me?

Song of the Day - Living Louder by The Cab

I recently discovered this band and although I'm not a fan of all of their music, I do love this one. It's got that wonderful love life, nostalgic type vibe to it that I seem to be very fond of.

We Made It

School. Co-op. Drama. Tears. Laughter. Late night bonfires. Exams. Parents. Stressing over the little things. Fighting. Games. Movies.

High school.

Guys, we made it.

We made it through what people say are some of the hardest years of our lives.

We made it.

We made it through the exams. The pressures. The seemingly constant drama.

And I'm so proud of you both.

I'm proud and honoured to have been your friends. To watch you grow and turn into awesome people. To get to know you as you changed and grew. You're both amazing. You're both gifted in different ways. You're both kind and I'm so happy to have had you both in my life.

And I'm excited to see what's in store for you next. Whether you're off to a different country or just to a different city, I have no doubt you're going to have an impact.

We have our lives ahead of us, like a blank slate, like a winding road, like a clear blue sky. Let's go do something with it. Let's go make something of ourselves. Let's go make a difference. Let's be the best we can be.

I'll miss you both. I'll miss seeing you at Co-op and having the ability to get together so easily. And I hope that this isn't the end of our friendship, but just another step of the journey.

Good luck in the future. Go live an amazing life.

A Rant on Playerish People

Hello Lovelies,

It's been a bit since I've done a rant and I definitely have something to rant on. Just allow me to get my giant megaphone and the rocks I intend to throw...

Alright, so, for people who've been following me for a bit know that I am not really someone who's good around guys. Particularly guys who could have any sort of interest in me, or guys I might potentially have an interest in (see 50 Shades of Awkward or Secretly, I'm Anna for perfect examples of this). So it should come as no surprise that around players, I'm fairly clueless. Then when I reailze what's happening, I get rather frustrated. Yes, this rant is inspired by a specific person.

First, why? Why the heck do you guys have the need to make others uncomfortable in this arena? Any interest girls end up having in you is going to be based on absolutely nothing but your slimy, charming, manipulative ways. And then as soon as you "win", you're going to lose, because she's gonna see what a knotty-pated canker-blossom you are. Or you're going to break her heart when she realizes you're using her.

Second, why is it attractive to some people to play people that they know well? You know the hot buttons and what's going to get them riled up. It's no challenge. You can have them wrapped around your finger in a minute. So why do you feel the need? Is it because you feel you've lost your touch, so you go to someone you can easily get a reaction from? I don't get it. I'd would have thought players would want to pick someone who'd be a challenge, someone who they'd have to work at to get a response from.

Third, generally now, do people realize how dehumanizing this is? Playing someone? The very name of it is horrible. You are literally playing someone like a game. Like they mean the same to you as a game of cards that you're trying to win. That's it. The only thing you're using them for is your own benefit. Do you not see how harmful this can be to the other person? You don't actually care about them, because if you did, you wouldn't be treating them like this, with no regard for their emotions. You're wrapping their feelings up in a big knot and then handing it back to them with a smirk, a wink and the shallow satisfaction of knowing that you've got them riled up.

Fourth, specifically to this person, why do you think that I'm not going to notice? Yeah, you're subtle and can deny it. Yeah, you're good at what you do, but I can count them number of girls you've done this to in the past. I've watched you. I've seen what you do and how you coax the blushing and giggles from them. Do you really think I'm not going to see? I'll hand it to you, you're good. Yeah, you've managed to get a reaction, but the smirks and charm and flirting has conjured nothing but a surface response. Somehow, unbeknownst to me, you manage to get the blushing and stammering from me, but believe me when I say, this whole thing has done nothing but secure your position as an insecure, unfeeling guy in my mind. Slowly, you're being replaced by Joey Donner. Congrats to you.

In conclusion, don't play with people or they will rant about you on their blog and then dream about ways of dumping all the discomfort, annoying heart palpitations and frustration over your head.

Being the Change

Hello Lovelies,

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

I heard this quote about four years ago at an evening seminar down at the University of Toronto and it's kind of stuck with me. I've thought about it numerous times. What does it really mean? Does it mean that you should work hard to change others, thus being the actual change? Does it mean you should be speaking about change, informing others? Does it mean that you should always be changing? There's lots of change going on in my mind when I think about this quote.

Nope. I've realized that, at least for me, it's less about the actual change. It's about the example you set. The leadership skills you present. The chances you choose to take and the things you stand for. It's what you do, not what you change. This quote is about leading by example.

And this is something that's really challenged me over the past while. I have (according to some people I know) high moral standards. Intense ideals for how I want the world to be. But I've had to ask myself recently, how many of these ideals am I following? Yeah, I can write an essay about what Utopia is to me and then comment and judge others for not living that way. But should I be?

No. This quote is saying to take that ideal world that you have in your head: that perfect society or way you wish everyone behave and embody that. Become the change. Become the thing that's different. Choose to live the way you're always wishing others did.

Yeah, you and I may be the odd ones out. I'm known as the "good girl" in so many areas because I speak out about what I believe is right and what I think isn't. I've been shunned by different groups of people because my beliefs are too liberal or too conservative. But let me tell you, I've had a lot of people come up to me afterwards and say stuff like, "Thanks for that, I didn't want to say anything, but I'm glad you did," or "You know, I never really thought about it like that before".

You can cause a ripple. The world around us both hates and loves ripples. It loves them because, somehow, everyone's got an ideal world and to see someone moving to make the world a better place is encouraging. It hates them when the ripples ask them to move outside their comfort zone. Therefore, you will have people who will join you in your rippling and others who will try to stop you.

Can I encourage you to try and make a ripple? It doesn't have to be a big one. I'm not asking you to donate your savings to charity or go on a community service trip to Africa for a year. I'm not even looking for you to stand up in front of your school and talk to them about an issue you see. Hold the door open for someone. Buy the person behind you in the drive-thru's lunch. Smile at a stranger. Compliment someone you don't usually talk to. Ask your friends to stop when they start making fun of that kid. You might not see a change after a day or two or even a week. But the ripples will start.

I challenge you. This week, make three ripples a day. I'll do it too. Make a ripple. Be the odd one out.

Be the change.

10 Things I Know To Be True

Truth.

What is truth?

It is the little pieces of life

That people try to make sense of

By stringing them together into sentences.

Here are my ten little pieces of life,

Ten things I know to be true.

Each day is a new slate.

No matter how badly

I’ve made a mess of things,

The sun will continue to rise,

And fall

And rise

And fall

In a never-ending circle.

Every day I will wake

To the dawn of a new day

And say,

“Today is another chance.”

Joy is not hard to find.

It lies in the nooks and crannies of

Everyday life.

A comfy sweater.

A hot cup of tea.

The sound of rain

Hitting your window

As you drift off to sleep.

A box of chocolates.

Flannel shirts.

Music flowing through your headphones,

Drowning out the sounds of sorrow,

Hatred,

Anger,

Confusion,

That surrounds us everyday.

I am not a plumber,

Mechanic

Or repairman

Of people’s hearts.

I cannot carry everyone’s problems,

I still fall trying to carry my own.

I can try for a while,

Run the mile,

Sprint across the distance,

But I will fall

And drop all of those delicate problems

You gave me to mend.

I’d rather lend an ear,

Because,

Tell me,

As a friend,

How can I lend a hand if

Mine are full,

Carrying the weight of the world.

Life is a fire.

It rages and it roars.

It is beautiful,

Wonderful,

But sometimes you get burned.

And it hurts

And you sit,

Running your hand under the water,

Determined to never let it touch you again.

Let me tell you,

I’d rather see the wonder,

Experience the love,

Move with the flames

And get burned sometimes,

Than live a life full of

Cold,

Dark,

Dead,

Coal.

I am me.

I’m no one else.

I’m not the person you wish you were,

The chance you have to make things right

Or a perfect girl.

I’d say I’m sorry that you don’t like me,

But the truth is

I don’t really care,

If you think my clothing is stupid,

My music taste is weird

Or that I don’t act like you.
I don’t mean to be rude,

But I’m me,

Not you.

And I like me

The way I am.

People aren’t perfect,

They say things they don’t mean

And mean things they don’t say.

They will knock you down

And cut your heart

With sharp words that threaten

To keep you up at night.

But I am a person too.

And if I want you to

Love me,

Understand me,

And forgive me,

Shouldn’t I give you that right too?

Grace is a two way street.

Life is not a photograph,

It is a series of pictures,

A stop motion movie,

Of our past,

Present

And future.

Don’t live in the past

But occasionally visit when you despair,

Just to see how far you’ve have come

From that last moment that knocked you down.

The present is a gift,

So make the most of every moment,

Flow with life’s river,

Dance with its music

And remember those moments

When you feel like there is no hope.

Look to the future

With rose tainted binoculars

And a heart that is open

To encounter the wonders

That could,

Should,

Would lie there,

If you only dared to dream.

Don’t take life too seriously,

Because it really is a funny thing.

We have Robin William movies

And billions and billions of people

With good senses of humor.

Life isn’t always in our control

And sometimes things get out of control,

And we’re left in the river without a boat,

But there is hope,

If you’d just learn to enjoy swimming.

Life throws you punches,

But don’t stop

Or drop,

Just roll with them.

Throw in a little rock

And you might have a pop song,

Ready to top the radio charts,

Telling people how to

Get along with life.

If you’d like to go crazy

By all means,

Analyze every little incident

Until you’re blue in the face.

Assign ridiculous meanings

To every word,

Every glance,

And at every chance,

Tell people their motives,

Because they probably didn’t even know

That they had them.

Lastly, math is from hell.

Its numbers twist

And confuse you

Until you’re certain

That two plus two

Must equal five.

And frustrate you

Beyond the point of no return,

Where your brain explodes,

From trying to cram numbers,

Into places that are meant for

Song lyrics

And movie trivia.

And you wonder

If your brain

Will ever recover

From the evilness

That was placed there.

Fine

"How are you?"
"Fine."
Fine?
Fine?
I didn't realize 'fine'
Meant crying at night,
While listening to your parents fight
In the next room over,
Hearing their voices rise in anger,
Then fall in silent rage,
While the tears slip down your cheeks.

Fine?
I didn't know 'fine' was when
You lived your life
Not knowing where the next meal came from,
Hoping there would be food,
When you got home,
Praying
Tonight would be the last night
Of hunger
And the first night
Of happiness.

You're fine?
I'm sorry,
I didn't think that 'fine'
Meant your life was a broken down house,
Full of promises
You're still waiting to see fulfilled,
Full of dreams
You desperately hope will come true.

"How are you?"
"Good."
Says the girl
Whose makeup covers the pain
From the insults,
Taunts and
Names
Drawn across her face,
Like a knife drawn against soft flesh.

"Good."
Says the boy
Who has everything but happiness,
Whose parents' dreams for him
Stretch to the sky in their minds,
Hell in his.
His dreams are labelled as failure,
Insignificant,
Not important,
Stupid.

"Good."
Says the teen,
Whose white and red scars marked
On his arm
Stretch from his body
To his mind.
His value,
Nothing.
His status,
Nothing.
His dreams,
Nothing.
He wants to be
Nothing.
He doesn't even want to be here anymore.

"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just tired."
No,
'Tired' is when you
Stayed up to late watching movies.
'Tired',
Is when you go to bed
At 3 am,
Just finished your assignment.
'Tired' is not
Living everyday numb,
Watching the world go by,
Not caring,
If you're there to see it.
'Tired' is not
Working so hard,
Trying desperately to prove
You're worth something,
Trying to show the world,
You're not what they called you
In high school.
Idiot.
Failure.
Screw-up.

"How are you?"
"Fine."
"Good."
"Just tired."

Lies.

It seems we just can't win.

Hello Lovelies!

I'm assuming that 99%, if not all, of my readers are fellow females. So from one girl to another I want to ask, does it seem to you that no matter how hard we try, we're always wrong?

I know everyone tells us to just be ourselves, don't try to fit society's standards, we were meant to stand out etc. etc. And I agree with this wholeheartedly.

But at the same point in time, there seems to be no "good" true to yourself.

Let me try and explain.

If a girl is curvy, she's "fat" or a "pig".
If a girl is slim, she's "skinny," a "twig" or "toothpick".

If a girl goes for a more natural look, she's "ugly" or a "hot mess".
If a girl puts effort into her appearance, she's "fake".

If a girl is kind, she's a "suck up" or "teacher's pet".
If a girl speaks her mind, she's a "bitch".

If a girl wears long dresses and covers herself, she's "frigid".
But if she wears shorts and a tank top, she's a "slut".

If a girl has standards, she's "Missy Goody Two Shoes".
If she doesn't have many, she's a "hoe".

If we're emotional, we are told to "suck it up" and to "stop being such a girl".
But if we then try and hide our emotions, we're "cold" and "robotic".

There is something very, very wrong with this. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having whatever I do, be "wrong". I'm sick of being treated like somehow, I'm less than everybody else.

Because I'm not.

You're not.

We're not less than everyone.

We're different but that, in no way, makes us less.

What's awful is that this name calling, this insulting, this judging, doesn't just come from guys. It comes from the other girls around us. Almost every girl I've talked to about this says that they've struggled with feeling like they aren't good enough, that they can't measure up, no matter what they do. Why, then, are we hurting each other? C'mon girls! We're all fighting this! We're all on the same side! Why do we have to put each other down? Why can't we all stand together rather than fight like it's every girl for themselves?

Now understand, I'm not trying to point a finger at anyone. Not guys, not girls. Instead, I want to point out the ridiculous amount pressure that is being put on girls by our society to be inexplicably perfect. It seems to be something that we've just accepted as being normal.

I don't remember where, but I saw something recently. One girl commented somewhere asking, "How can guys be so good looking without makeup?" That really brought this issue to my attention. Because somehow, we've decided that girls have to wear makeup to look good.

And within the past couple of weeks, I was out somewhere wearing leggings and a shirt, just walking into the grocery store and some guys drive by and shout out, "Nice ass!"

Let me tell you, I was this close to turning around and giving them a piece of my mind.

Another time when my cousin and I were down in Toronto, walking along one of the busy streets, a guy calls out, "What's a couple of pretty tarts like you doing walking by yourselves?"

It makes me sick.

I feel like I don't even count as a person.

Girls have somehow been turned into objects.

I really don't want to blame people, I don't want to become a crazy feminist who despises men. I don't want to become a hermit who avoids all contact with the outside world. I really, really want to change this. Cause I know I'm not the only one who deals with this and there have been girls who have  had to deal with situations much worse than me. But I can't do anything by myself. It has to be a group effort. We all have to come together to fight this image.

Picture of the Day

I Don't Even Know

Hello My Pretties!

Wow, that started off much creepier than intended...

Anyways! I will admit that I was fairly stumped for what to do for the letter 'i'. I mean, there's not many topics to write about that begin with 'i'. Ice cream doesn't sound really nice because I am currently freezing and sitting in a giant, over-sized sweatshirt. I could have written about idiots but I'm not really in a critical, pissed off mood. Iguanas are just something I don't have a lot of knowledge about.

But I finally came up with a topic. I'm going to write about my ignorance.

We all look at society sometimes and go, "Wait, what?" Things just don't make sense to us. We have no knowledge or information about why certain things are the way they are. So I'm going to talk about some things that just don't make sense to me in today's modern culture. Maybe you can explain them to me? Cause I'm totally lost on these things.

1) The hierarchy of music. Since when were different types of music considered more valuable than others? I'm preeeettttyy sure the reason we listen to music is for our own enjoyment, correct? By definition, music is "vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion." And if I find one type of music beautiful, and you find other music beautiful, who are we to criticize each other's music? I mean, some music may require more skill than others, or it may be more complex, but does that make it more valuable? I don't think so. 

2) The whole flirting thing. Just to be perfectly frank, I don't get it. I mean, I will literally just talk to a guy and someone will come up and say, "Ohhh, you were flirting with him." Or vice versa.

Wait, what?

I don't get it!! Can someone please tell me what the heck I am doing or what the heck they're doing? Cause I don't understand what on earth you are referring to. 

3) Why we can't be okay with people having different opinions than us. Just look at a youtube video. Or a tumblr post. Or any social media. You will immediately understand what I am referring to.

4) Why it's 'uncool' to enjoy our family. I actually really like spending time with my family. Sure my younger siblings get annoying sometimes, sure my parents get in my face about stuff, but I genuinely like them. Why are we weird if we're friends with the people we spend most of our lives with?

5) Why anxiety and depression have become cool. I mean, the whole, "Stressed, depressed but well dressed" is just pure idiocy. Trust me, it's not fun to be stressed or depressed. Just don't, don't do this.

6) Our obsessions with celebrities. You are going crazy over someone you don't know, probably will never meet and everybody's okay with this? I get appreciating someone with talent or good looks or even being a fan. But stalking their every move and going to extreme levels to have anything to do with them. For example,

HARRY STYLES ILY SOOOO MUCH PLS FOLLOW ME??? <333333 1
HARRY STYLES ILY SOOOO MUCH PLS FOLLOW ME??? <333333 2
HARRY STYLES ILY SOOOO MUCH PLS FOLLOW ME??? <333333 3
HARRY STYLES ILY SOOOO MUCH PLS FOLLOW ME??? <333333 4
HARRY STYLES ILY SOOOO MUCH PLS FOLLOW ME??? <333333 5
HARRY STYLES ILY SOOOO MUCH PLS FOLLOW ME??? <333333 6
HARRY STYLES ILY SOOOO MUCH PLS FOLLOW ME??? <333333 7

Anyways, you get my drift.

If anyone would like to shed some light on any of theses topics, that would be much appreciated. Or maybe you have your own, "wait, what?" things. Lemme know!!

Until next time!

Song of the Day

I have my younger sister to thank for introducing me to this song. It's called "Shatter Me" and it's by Lindsey Stirling featuring Lzzy Hale. It's a super intense song that's a mix of modern beats and ballet and violin. It also has an awesome music video so give it a looksy!